Modern Diplomacy, Or How The War Started

August, 1914

Said Austria,--"You murderous Serb, You the peace of all Europe disturb; Get down on your knees, And apologize, please, Or I'll kick you right off my front curb."

Said Serbia,--"Don't venture too far, Or I'll call in my uncle, the Czar; He won't see me licked, Nor insulted, nor kicked, So you better leave things as they are."

Said the Kaiser,--"That Serb's a disgrace. We must teach him to stay in his place, If Russia says boo, I'm in the game, too, And right quickly we'll settle the case."

The Czar said,--"My cousin the Kaiser, Was always a good advertiser; He's determined to fight, And insists he is right, But soon he'll be older and wiser."

"For forty-four summers," said France, "I have waited and watched for a chance To wrest Alsace-Lorraine From the Germans again, And now is the time to advance."

Said Belgium,--"When armies immense Pour over my boundary fence, I'll awake from my nap, And put up a scrap They'll remember a hundred years hence."

Said John Bull,--"This 'ere Kaiser's a slob, And 'is word isn't worth 'arf a bob, (If I lets Belgium suffer, I'm a blank bloomin' duffer) So 'ere goes for a crack at 'is nob."

Said Italy,--"I think I'll stay out, Till I know what this row is about; It's a far better plan, Just to sell my banan', Till the issue is plain beyond doubt."

Said our good uncle Samuel, "I swaow I had better keep aout of this raow, For with Mormons, and Niggers, And Greasers, I figgers I have all I kin handle just naow."