A Competitor

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, My legs are not so very straight; My spine, I’m sorry to observe, Maintains a most rebellious curve; My neck is skinny, and my bust Would justify a husband’s trust. But papa thinks his Mary Ann Is built upon a gorgeous plan.

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, I take the liberty to state That Venuses would go on strike If ordered to be all alike; For some are made for this, and some For that—you take ’em as they come. But papa says: “My Mary Ann Knocks out the whole damn caravan!”

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, They think in Greaserville I’m great— They say in Greaserville: “You bet She’ll make them hens get up and get! She’s just a bird!” So when I clout Myself in cheese-cloth you look out! For papa says: “My Mary Ann Has win whenever she has ran.”

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, I’m giving you the business straight: Make any standards that you please Beneath my cloth I’m just the cheese. I care not what the artists say— I’m in it and I’m in to stay. For papa says: “If Mary Ann Will advertise she’ll get a man.”

Mrs. Frona Eunice Wait, Head Venus-herder of the State, Round up your girls. But Frona, dear I think it very, very queer That you yourself do not compete. Are you too plump or too petite? My papa says: “Why, Mary Ann, She’s from Beërsheba to Dan!”