A False Alarm

When Gertrude Atherton pronounced the ladies Of fair Manhattan hideous as Hades— In eyes no splendor, and in cheeks no roses, And, O ye godlings! rudimentary noses— To pass a bad half-hour before their glasses, Straight to their dressing-rooms ran dames and lasses, Who, still dissenting from her curst appraisal, Grew more pugnacious, but not less pugnasal. Ladies, be calm: there’s nothing to distress you— The Sacred Englishman will rise and bless you. No noses—none to speak of—is alarming, But that you can’t speak through them—that is charming!