An Inscription

FOR A STATUE OF NAPOLEON, AT WEST POINT.

A famous conqueror, in battle brave, Who robbed the cradle to supply the grave. His reign laid quantities of human dust: He fell upon the just and the unjust.

A PICKBRAIN.

What! imitate me, friend? Suppose that you With agony and difficulty do What I do easily--what then? You've got A style I heartily wish I had not. If I from lack of sense and you from choice Grieve the judicious and the unwise rejoice, No equal censure our deserts will suit-- We both are fools, but you're an ape to boot!

CONVALESCENT.

"By good men's prayers see Grant restored!" Shouts Talmage, pious creature! Yes, God, by supplication bored From every droning preacher, Exclaimed: "So be it, tiresome crew-- But I've a crow to pick with you."

THE NAVAL CONSTRUCTOR.

He looked upon the ships as they All idly lay at anchor, Their sides with gorgeous workmen gay-- The riveter and planker--

Republicans and Democrats, Statesmen and politicians. He saw the swarm of prudent rats Swimming for land positions.

He marked each "belted cruiser" fine, Her poddy life-belts floating In tether where the hungry brine Impinged upon her coating.

He noted with a proud regard, As any of his class would, The poplar mast and poplar yard Above the hull of bass-wood.

He saw the Eastlake frigate tall, With quaintly carven gable, Hip-roof and dormer-window--all With ivy formidable.

In short, he saw our country's hope In best of all conditions-- Equipped, to the last spar and rope, By working politicians.

He boarded then the noblest ship And from the harbor glided. "Adieu, adieu!" fell from his lip. Verdict: "He suicided."

1881.

DETECTED.

In Congress once great Mowther shone, Debating weighty matters; Now into an asylum thrown, He vacuously chatters.

If in that legislative hall His wisdom still he 'd vented, It never had been known at all That Mowther was demented.

BIMETALISM.

Ben Bulger was a silver man, Though not a mine had he: He thought it were a noble plan To make the coinage free.

"There hain't for years been sech a time," Said Ben to his bull pup, "For biz--the country's broke and I'm The hardest kind of up.

"The paper says that that's because The silver coins is sea'ce, And that the chaps which makes the laws Puts gold ones in their place.

"They says them nations always be Most prosperatin' where The wolume of the currency Ain't so disgustin' rare."

His dog, which hadn't breakfasted, Dissented from his view, And wished that he could swell, instead, The volume of cold stew.

"Nobody'd put me up," said Ben, "With patriot galoots Which benefits their feller men By playin' warious roots;

"But havin' all the tools about, I'm goin' to commence A-turnin' silver dollars out Wuth eighty-seven cents.

"The feller takin' 'em can't whine: (No more, likewise, can I): They're better than the genooine, Which mostly satisfy.

"It's only makin' coinage free, And mebby might augment The wolume of the currency A noomerous per cent."

I don't quite see his error nor Malevolence prepense, But fifteen years they gave him for That technical offense.

THE RICH TESTATOR.

He lay on his bed and solemnly "signed," Gasping--perhaps 'twas a jest he meant: "This of a sound and disposing mind Is the last ill-will and contestament."

TWO METHODS.

To bucks and ewes by the Good Shepherd fed The Priest delivers masses for the dead, And even from estrays outside the fold Death for the masses he would not withhold. The Parson, loth alike to free or kill, Forsakes the souls already on the grill, And, God's prerogative of mercy shamming, Spares living sinners for a harder damning.