Ballad—in Great News

Where a learned physician who writes for all ills, 'Stead of taking a guinea obliged to take pills, Or compell'd to examine mortality's bills, For his own and his brethren's slaughter: Were an ideal widow her spouse given over, At the moment a promise she made to her lover, Advertised that her husband began to recover, Both these would be fish out of water: Odd fish, queer fish, strange fish, droll fish— In short they'd be fish out of water.

Did a methodist preacher, leave fleecing his flock, Did witlings let in common sense, should she knock, Did a toper reel homewards before three o'clock, Did puppies find taste when they sought her, Were a rook, by a pigeon, choused out of his booty, Did a wife, kind and handsome, and true to her duty, Meet a brute, unattracted by goodness or beauty, All these would be fish out of water, Odd fish, &c.

Should true limbs of the law, while extending their palms, From honour or conscience, be troubled with qualms, Should spendthrifts grow prudent, or misers give alms, Or honesty tempt a defaulter, Did a lover, in high expectation, when ready, At the place of appointment, sequestered and shady, Encounter a broomstick instead of a lady, All these would be fish out of water. Odd fish, &c.

Did a tar, or in private, or public strife, For his king, or his friend, fear to venture his life, Did a jolman, from Ireland, in search of a wife, Expect fortune, and meet with her daughter, In short from mankind, did one strip off the vizard, Without fear of, passing for witch, or for wizzard, One might see 'twould so cursedly stick in each gizzard, That they'd all appear fish out of water: Odd fish, &c.