Ballad—in Will of the Wisp

You have heard of the man who such virtues possessed, That he wished a glass window were placed at his breast, To the world all his actions as plain to display, As the nose in your face, or the sun at noon day. So I put on my spectacles, look mighty wise, And read in a trice peoples hearts through their eyes; While the catalogue, large, of their whims I run over, And of life's motly crew the deceptions discover, Though my questions are malapropos and uncouth, I, in sight of their teeth, make their tongues to tell truth.

When a flirting coquette for fresh conquests agog, One who loves and adores her treats worse than a dog, Gives him rivals she hates, appears vex'd when she's glad, For the dear harmless pleasure of making him mad; I put on my spectacles, look mighty wise, Read her whimsical heart through her beautiful eyes, As you hope to be married, ma'am, quick answer me, Do you hate this man! Lord what a creature, cries she, Must I then be sincere! Well, I love the sweet youth, As dear as my life, sir, and now you've the truth.

To follow up next the coquette with the prude, Who pretends every man that regards her is rude, Who can't abide flirts, rails at each amorous elf, Who flirts never, excepts in a corner, herself: I put on my spectacles, look mighty wise, Read her warm yielding heart through her cold frigid eyes; 'Are you this man hater, good ma'am, you pretend?' "And pray who gave you leave to school me my good friend?" "D'ye expect I shall own that I've yet a colt's tooth: "Well I do love young fellows, and that is the truth."

I could instance a thousand things, various and true, Where one thing men say, and another thing do, Nay, I now could dispel all my own anxious fear, But there's no occasion for spectacles here: Nay, were I to wear them, to look ere so wise, I could then, but as now, read your hearts in your eyes; Mister Dibdin, says you, we're here on your behalf, And, while your wit's harmless, and you make us laugh, You may banish each fear from your mind, for, in sooth, We shall willing applaud you, and that is the truth.