COFFEE HOUSE, with a group of its well known visitors

What various faces here we thronging view, From Nova-Zembla down to swart Peru, Met for the mutual benefit of each, To gather news or useless lore to teach; Here men of straw with men of fortune meet, And men of neither both familiar greet: Some form their face to plodding wisdom's guise And what they want in head their looks supplies Who, anxious still to take th' unwary in, Turn plain religion to a downright sin; For all these saints of satan do or say Is in the sober serious preaching way.

Young Bully Bragwell struts among the rest, And Billy Button neat and finely dress'd; Grave Adam Archly comes to read the news, To talk of goods and labels to peruse, Tells how the nation will be overun, The country ruined and the state undone; What monst'rous importations now we make, Our stores are cramm'd, our merchants soon must break! The grand assembly—nay the congress should, Prohibit Britons—that would do us good; You see our dollars are a draining fast, We'll scarce have cash to buy us meat at last.— Was I in Congress!—Here they laugh outright, And Adam leaves the Coffee-room thro' spite. Such is the doleful picture Adam shews, He thinks that all the world around are foes, And tho' the fool is scarely worth a pound, He talks as big as if the town he own'd.

Blank puppy John with trudging walk comes next, His motto ignorance and vice his text; No man with greater consequence appears, Altho' the puppy's scarcely twenty years, If cousin Sam salutes him passing by, The empty fool will scarcely lend an eye.

Still in a hurry Johnny Pr—g-e comes, Within his mind computing various sums; When news is stirring Johnny hears it all— By G—d, dear Sir, 'twill make the linens fall. His thoughts are fix'd on nothing but per cent. For this he labours with a fond intent: His looks are absent and his words are plain, His acts are honest and without a stain, His ways are odd, his sayings odder still, His manners low, his sense is what you will; He knows the earth is round, the sun is warm, And that the planets do us little harm, Has some shrewd guess where old Hibernia lies, That London sits beneath Britannia's skies, That Scotland borders on the banks of Tweed, (Where Thomson tun'd his tributary reed,) That Paris is the gay Parisian's boast, And that their ways are frivolous at most— Some other hints like these make up his wit. Which is for money more than morals fit.

See Ab-l Jemmy come with eager speed, To look a chapman or the books to read, With lists and samples of the goods he sells, And then their matchless qualities he tells; Begs they may call to-morrow or to-day, And for the cash—no matter when they pay: Such was the ways that Jemmy used of late, 'Till needy duns compell'd him to retreat.— Take my advice, be modest and discreet, And let the people pass you in the street, Or else they'll think you impudent and rude, And that your understanding is not good: For folks are living who can rightly tell, That all your pamper'd riches sprung from hell.

With oily tongue and sober pensive pace, To cloak a heart of knavery and disgrace, Comes in old Cheatwell, just with parson's air, But ev'ry one of Cheatwell should take care: Observe this rule, whatever he bids you do, The very opposite you must pursue. Take his advice in nothing if you can, For secret villainy is Cheatwell's plan.

See yonder comes the secret working knave, The tool of infamy and error's slave; In business fail'd, he's now a thing of state, To gull the Censors and the people cheat; He tells a tale of artful lies combin'd, That both perplex and stimulate the mind; He dreads the constitution will be broke, And that new government would be a joke. No pains he spares his proselytes to make, For this all virtue's laws he'll freely break, And ev'ry compact, social and divine, For this he'll sacrifice at Plutus' shrine. Censure this Censor, turn him from his place, And load the knave with merited disgrace.

But yonder comes the friend of human kind, And lib'ral thoughts employ his lib'ral mind,— 'Tis honest Dealwell, of unsullied fame, Whose gold is nothing better than his name; His word will buy what others specie can't, For virtuous dealings is his sole intent.

Exaustless lines could scarce pourtray the group, That daily here for news together troop, Some good, some bad: the English, Irish here With French and Dutch familiarly appear; The Spaniard, Portuguese and sober Swede, Meet India merchants in the course of trade, The Russian, Prussian, Turk and Scot & Jew, With homebred Yankees here we mixing view; And as they pass before the candid muse, Each country's merits in its sons she views.

Sons of our great forefathers first behold, In virtue foremost and in honor bold; Manly their port and open is their face, Their dealings plain, polite and with a grace: Where'er the prow has bore the human form, There daring Britons have withstood the storm Of toiling commerce, or with gen'rous zeal Gave social arts to raise the commonweal, Swept o'er the world and bore their thunder round, Till crouching Europe trembled at the sound, Great Neptune own'd their empire o'er the main When Hawke and Russell, rul'd the watry plain. Ah! falling Britain! whether fled of late Thy genius, spirit and thy sons so great!— See sister Rome, she once enjoy'd her day, Her very name is sinking to decay; Empires, like men, may flourish and grow great, But yet their periods are prescrib'd by fate.

Hibernian's next, "a nation hardly used, At random censur'd and by some abus'd," Bold sons of freedom, honesty and fame, By daring deeds they dignity their name; True sons of hospitality and worth, Nor lives humaner children on the earth— Give Paddy whiskey, and he's just a God, That makes opponents dread his sov'reign nod.

Observe that soft light-headed troop advance, The airy offspring of gay tinsel France; Bows, scrapes and cringes are their fav'rite trait, New buckles, canes and clothes for ever neat, Fine powder'd heads, long ruffles sweeping down, The gaze and wonder of the country clown: But yet this nation is for science fam'd, Altho' so much for fops and fopp'ry blam'd; And friendly Louis bade his armies go To quell the venom of our British foe.

See there the surly Spaniard as he walks, Vain, solemn, empty, pampered as he stalks; Dull lazy, ignorant and slothful bred, With nought but empty titles in his head, He boasts his long descent from blood so pure, White and unsullied by the jetty Moor.

Here view the Dutchman, sober, dull and plain, Laborious striving how to gather gain; With double coats to guard the north'ren blast That chill the borders of the Friezeland coast. Thousands beside the painting verse demand, But narrow bounds proscribes my wanton hand.

What various labels round the room appear, Twould make a volumn to recount them here: This tells us where the wine is cheap and good, That where its both in bottles and in wood, Here by that scrawl we see where bills are sold, There we're inform'd of persons wanting gold, Ships to be had and lodgings to be let, Genteelly furnish'd, either dry or wet; Poor luckless clerks whom fortune still despise, For places, posts and wish'd employment tries, Declare their merits, here display their hands, And that they'll wait on gentlemen's commands " Please to enquire, or leave a line below, " Which punctual will be noticed by O." Such is the various scenes that here we view Where men of business tempting wrath pursue.