Fable V. the Dog and the Cat

Interest fascinates both age and youth, And, with a glance of her bewitching eye, Can make a minister speak truth, Or make a mighty monarch tell a lye. She can set brothers by the ears, And, what you'll scarce believe perhaps, Make sisters as harmonious as the spheres, And live together without pulling caps. 'Tis she gives every one her place, Oft, like a blundering marshal at a feast, Joining a scoundrel to his grace, An atheist to a priest. Interest well understood, Made Solomon, makes Melcomb now declare That life is only good To eat and drink, and laugh, and banish care. Close by a kitchen fire, a dog and cat, Each a famous politician, Were meditating, as they sat, Plans and projects of ambition. By the same fire were set to warm Fragments of their master's dinner; Temptations to alarm The frailty of a sinner. Clear prurient water stream'd from Pompey's jaws, And Tabby look'd demure, and lick'd her paws; And as two plenipos, For fear of a surprise, When both have something to propose, Examine one another's eyes; Or like two maids, tho' smit by different swains, In jealous conference o'er a dish of tea, Pompey and Tabby both, cudgell'd their brains, Studying each other's physiognomy. Pompey, endow'd with finer sense, Discover'd, in a cast of Tabby's face, A symptom of concupiscence, Which made it a clear case. When, strait applying to the dawning passion, Pompey address'd her in this fashion: Both you and I, with vigilance and zeal, Becoming faithful dogs, and pious cats, Have guarded day and night this common-weal From robbery and rats, All that we get for this, heaven knows, Is a few bones and many blows. Let us no longer fawn and whine, Since we have talents and are able; Let us impose an equitable fine Upon our master's table, And, to be brief, Let us each chuse a single dish, I'll be contented with roast beef, Take you that turbot—you love fish. Thus every dog and cat agrees, When they can settle their own fees. Thus two contending chiefs are seen, To agree at last in every measure; One takes the management of the marine, The other of the nation's treasure: Thus L—g retir'd, thus even P—t His popularity resign'd, For a tid-bit, A pit-tance suited to the patriot's mind.