Had Neptune

Had Neptune, when first he took charge of the sea, Been as wise, or at least been as merry as we, He'd have thought better on't, and instead of the brine, Would have fill'd the vast ocean with generous wine.

What trafficking then would have been on the main, For the sake of good liquor, as well as for gain, No fear then of tempest, or danger of sinking, The fishes ne'er drown that are always a-drinking.

The hot thirsty sun then would drive with more haste, Secure in the evening of such a repast; And when he'd got tipsey, wou'd have taken his nap, With double the pleasure in Thetis's lap.

By the force of his rays, and thus heated with wine, Consider how gloriously Phoebus would shine, What vast exhalations he'd draw up on high, To relieve the poor earth as it wanted supply.

How happy us mortals, when blest with such rain, To fill all our vessels, and fill 'em again, Nay even the beggar that has ne'er a dish, Might jump in the river and drink like a fish.

What mirth and contentment, on every one's brow, Hob as great as a prince, dancing after his plough The birds in the air as they play on the wing, Altho' they but sip would eternally sing.

The stars, who I think, don't to drinking incline, Would frisk and rejoice at the fume of the wine; And merrily twinkling would soon let us know, That they were as happy as mortals below.

Had this been the case, what had we enjoy'd, Our spirits still rising our fancy ne'er cloy'd; A pox then on Neptune, when 'twas in his pow'r, To slip like a fool, such a fortunate hour.