The American Songster, Song

A Few years ago, in the days of my Grannum, (A worthy good woman as ever broke bread) What lectures she gave! in the morning began 'em, Nor ceas'd till she laid herself down on her bed; She never declin'd what she once undertook; But twisted, Persisted, Now flatter'd, Now spatter'd And always succeeded, by hook or by crook.

Said she, Child, whatever your fate is hereafter, If married, if single, if old, or if young, In madness, in sadness, in tears, or in laughter, But follow my maxims, you cannot do wrong: Each passion, each temper, I always could brook; When scolded, I moulded, When heated, Retreated, And manag'd my matters, by hook or by crook.

Ensnar'd by her counsels, I ventur'd to marry, And fancy'd a wife, by my grandmother's rules, Might be taught like a spaniel to fetch and to carry, But soon I found out that we both had been fools: In vain, I show'd madam the wonderful book; I coax'd her, I box'd her; But truly, Unruly Wives cannot be govern'd by hook or by crook.