The Coloured Fortune-Hunter

Pete Jonsing went to see the County Clerk About a marriage license, and the man Said unto him for fun, but seriously: “I hope the bride possesses fifty cents, Because the Legislature’s passed a law That any girl with less must not be wed.” “Jis’ go ahead wid dat ’ar paper, Boss,” Peter replied; then whispered, bending down: “Dar’s rumers—and dey is reliable— Dat de young woman dat I’m goin’ fur Has got two dollars and a quarter—shoa. And dat’s de reason wy I marries her.”

PENN ON A TEXT BY ROBERT BURDETTE

When William Penn appeared before King Charles To get the charter of his Promised Land In Pennsylvaniá, ’Twas in his usual free-and-easy style, With hands in pockets and his hat on side— Singing Lard-dardy day! Let us drink and be merry, laugh, sing, and rejoice, With claret and sherry, theorbo and voice, Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!

King Charles at once removed his feathered tile. “Keep on your hat, young man!” said William Penn, “It is our Quaker way; And people will not know that you are bald; Be quite at home to make your guests at home— Singing Lard-dardy day! This changeable world to our joys is unjust, All treasure’s uncertain, so down with your dust, Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!”

“It is the custom here,” the King replied, “For only one to cover at a time; This is the courtly way.” “Then you should have more covers,” warbled Penn. “Warm people’s heads to make them merry men— Singing Lard-dardy day! And in frolics dispose of your shillings and pence, Since we all shall be past it a hundred years hence, Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!

“’Tis a queer world, and faith! I do not lay My hat around, loose, in a domicile Where I don’t know the way, Unless some party gives a check for it; I’ve travelled some—I have—and can’t be bit— Singing Lard-dardy day! Since, despite your invention, and learning, and sense, You’ll be non est inventus a hundred years hence, Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!”

“Odds-fish!” exclaimed his Royal Majesty, “He talks full well, but as it seems to me, According to our way, There’s a tremendous pig in this same Penn.” “Bravo, young man!” said William; “try again— Singing Lard-dardy day! You have brought me a terrible one on the nob, But I bear you no malice, not being a snob, Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!”

And thus it is that history is writ, And thus it is good men are slandered sore From ever till to-day. Some writer pastes a joke; it may remain Safe in a corner from Time’s wind and rain Till Time has rolled away. So, hurrah for King Charles! and hurrah, too, for Penn! And all such and similar excellent men! Merry-ton-ton-ton ta-lay!