The New Vestments

There lived an old man in the kingdom of Tess, Who invented a purely original dress; And when it was perfectly made and complete, He opened the door, and walked into the street.

By way of a hat, he'd a loaf of Brown Bread, In the middle of which he inserted his head; - His Shirt was made up of no end of dead Mice, The warmth of whose skins was quite fluffy and nice; - His Drawers were of Rabit-skins, -- but it is not known whose; - His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops; - His Buttons were Jujubes, and Chocolate Drops; - His Coat was all Pancakes with Jam for a border, And a girdle of Biscuits to keep it in order; And he wore over all, as a screen from bad weather, A Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched all together.

He had walked a short way, when he heard a great noise, Of all sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings, and Boys; - And from every long street and dark lane in the town Beasts, Birdles, and Boys in a tumult rushed down. Two Cows and a half ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak; - Four Apes seized his Girdle, which vanished like smoke; - Three Kids ate up half of his Pancaky Coat, - And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat; - An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies; - And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops, Ten boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops. - He tried to run back to his house, but in vain, Four Scores of fat Pigs came again and again; - They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors, - They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers; - And now from the housetops with screechings descend, Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end, They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat, - When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that; - They speedily flew at his sleeves in trice, And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice; - They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall, - Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all.

And he said to himself as he bolted the door, 'I will not wear a similar dress any more, 'Any more, any more, any more, never more!'