Fable VII. the Knight Errant

In former times (much worse they were, Than those which give us vital air; For always be it understood, The present are both great and good;) There liv'd, so says our tale, a wight, Whom scruples made an ERRANT KNIGHT, A more romantic headed ass Than QUIXOTE, CHARLES, or HUDIBRAS, Who, in his moral feelings nice, Resolv'd to quell the monster VICE; A greater Hydra ten degrees Than THAT destroy'd by HERCULES.

Arm'd, as he fancied, Cap-a-pie, With Reason, and Morality; Stronger, tho' light, to take the field, Than AJAX' boasted sev'n-fold shield; A court he sought, as proper soil To exercise his pious toil.

SINCERITY, devoid of state, Conducted to the palace gate, And seeking entrance, gave her name; CORRUPTION ask'd from whom she came; Which told, he shook his hoary head, And with a shrug important said, Admittance there could only be For those of highest quality: Yet stretching forth his itching palm, With features and expression calm, He hinted favour to the KNIGHT, If soften'd by a PERQUISITE.

Our HERO thinking, once let in, His work of glory might begin, Straight let some golden logic drop, That CERBERUS might have a sop; But ah! in vain, at ev'ry door CORRUPTION met him as before; Tho' PROTEUS like, in various guise, To cheat his unsuspecting eyes; For none of all the courtly tribe Would move, he found, without a bribe.

Wearied at length, and what is worse, Incumber'd with an empty purse, He cried, "Was VIRTUE never here?" One answer'd, "Is he, friend, a PEER, Or COMMONER, of large estate? We know him not, unless he's great."

DISCRETION strove in vain t' asswage Our Hero, fill'd with fire-ey'd rage; Who fiercely swift destruction vow'd To VICE, and all her train, aloud.

His furious speech a lordly wag Immediately pronounc'd Scan. Mag. And threaten'd, with a special warrant, The person of our poor KNIGHT ERRANT; Who, rather dreading such a case, Resolv'd to fly the ticklish place.

From COURT he sought a lady's ROUTE, And conquest hop'd beyond a doubt; He stood, and saw with painful eye The spotted witches circling fly; And said, More devastation springs From four ill painted pasteboard kings, Than e'er was spread o'er publick good, By any Tyrant, since the flood.

At length a COUNTESS—nothing new— Secur'd a PAM to save her Loo; Which gave occasion to the KNIGHT To speak at large against the bite; When one and all the gamesters said, He merited a broken head: But said, Through grace, and he might thank it, They'd only toss him in a blanket.

Not satisfied, he sought the city, And said on Change, 'twas wond'rous pity That mankind, for each other made, Should try to over-reach in trade; That merchandize could only be A source of sordid usury; That moral feelings were discarded, And darling Gain alone regarded; That as the sage, by Virtue aw'd, Call'd MARKETS once the seat of FRAUD; So still, he added, to their shame, They merited the hateful name.

A Broker, of the HEBREW nation, A knave by nature, and vocation, Who knew his own defective heart, Assum'd the irritative part; Declar'd that man who could defame And taint the Trader's spotless name, That others might be kept in awe, Deserv'd the sharpest lash of law.

Thus having sounded an alarm, Each conscious Knave began to warm; A hum of mischievous intent, Ran thro' the sons of Cent. per Cent. Till once again, our KNIGHT defeated, Before an host of foes retreated, And wiser grown than heretofore, Resolv'd to combat VICE no more.

The moral hence we hope is plain, That mankind are so blind, or vain, So whirl'd by whim, by passions tost, All but the name of Virtue's lost. That good example's more prevailing Than all enthusiastic railing; And that the man's an ERRANT KNIGHT, Who strives with gen'ral VICE to fight.