Egregious Eastbourne

[A recent by-law of the Eastbourne Town Council renders the owner of any dog who barks upon the beach liable to a fine of forty shillings.]

Never more shall I and Ponto Traverse the Marine Parade, Pass the Pier and wander onto Eastbourne's Esplanade; Never more, with lungs like leather, And a heart as light as feather, Shall we stray and play together Where we strayed and played! On the cruel Council's shingle Man and beast no more may mingle!

With what never-ending rapture Ponto would retrieve a stone, Leap into the sea and capture Sticks, wherever thrown; Issue dripping from the ocean, With his tail in constant motion, And express his true devotion In a strident tone, Till the Judge, his license marking, Fined him forty bob for barking!

Still, upon the sands, sopranos Topmost notes in anguish reach, Masked musicians thump pianos, Negro minstrels screech; German bandsmen blare and bellow, But my Ponto, poor old fellow, May not raise his loud but mellow Bark upon the beach! 'Dumb,' indeed, is every beast born In the neighbourhood of Eastbourne!