'Rag-Time'

At dawn, beneath my casement, Scrubbing the area stairs, The boot-boy in the basement Is whistling rag-time airs. At breakfast, while I'm eating, A German band outside With unction keeps repeating The latest 'Wedding Glide.' Where'er I go, whate'er I do, I can't escape from 'Hitchykoo'!

Pursued, as by a pixy, By each infectious air, I 'Want to be in Dixie' When ev'rybody's there! Though 'Honolulu-looing' I've done my best to shun, What 'Ev'rybody's Doing' I cannot leave undone! The subtle spell I can't withstand Of 'Alexander's Rag-Time Band'!

Like ancient hosts of Midian, I kneel, enslaved and tame, Before a modern Gideon, And Melville is his name! He grips me without pity, He binds me with a thong Of contrapuntal ditty, Of syncopated song! And in his sweet, seductive strains I hear the rattle of my chains!

So, when you next behold me Perform a Turkey-trot, In fashion which (they've told me) Makes chaperones feel hot; Or with a strict adherence To rules of Bunny-hug, Combine the ape's appearance With manners of the Thug, I beg you won't find fault with me, But lay the blame on Melville G.!