The Moniment

But, neighbor, ef they prove their claim at law, The best way is to settle, an' not jaw. An' don't le' 's mutter 'bout the awfle bricks We'll give 'em, ef we ketch 'em in a fix: That 'ere's most frequently the kin' o' talk Of critters can't be kicked to toe the chalk; Your 'You'll see nex' time!' an' 'Look out bumby!' 'Most ollers ends in eatin' umble-pie. 'Twun't pay to scringe to England: will it pay To fear thet meaner bully, old 'They'll say'? Suppose they du say; words are dreffle bores, But they ain't quite so bad ez seventy-fours. Wut England wants is jest a wedge to fit Where it'll help to widen out our split: She's found her wedge, an' 'tain't for us to come An' lend the beetle thet's to drive it home. For growed-up folks like us 'twould be a scandle, When we git sarsed, to fly right off the handle. England ain't all bad, coz she thinks us blind: Ef she can't change her skin, she can her mind; An' we shall see her change it double-quick. Soon ez we've proved thet we're a-goin' to lick. She an' Columby's gut to be fas' friends: For the world prospers by their privit ends: 'Twould put the clock back all o' fifty years Ef they should fall together by the ears.