The Delusion Of Ghosts

Sometimes when I got to do errands at night An’ th’ moon is all dark an’ th’ ain’t any light, An’ th’ wind, when it blows, makes a shivery sound, An’ everything seems awful still all around; Sometimes when a hoot-owl goes “Woo-oo-oo-oo!” My legs feel so funny; I’m all goose-flesh, too. An’ maybe I’m startled when I hear it call, But I ain’t a bit scairt; I’m thes’ nervous, that’s all.

Oncet me an’ Joe Simpson wuz walkin’ one night A’ past th’ old graveyard, an’ saw somethin’ white ’Et looked like a ghost, standin’ right in th’ road, An’ my, Joe wuz scairt! ’Cuz he said ’et he knowed It wuz surely a ghost; an’ I wisseled, becuz When you wissel you scare ’em; an’ all that it wuz Wuz a great, big, white cow; an’ it thes’ walked away, An’ I wuzn’t no more scairt ’n if it wuz day!

’Cuz I don’t b’lieve in ghosts, an’ I’d thes’ as lieve go A’ past any graveyard an’ walk awful slow, An’ wissel, an’ sit on th’ top of th’ fence, ’Cuz th’ ain’t any ghosts if you got any sense. An’ when we saw that big white thing by th’ road ’Et Joe wuz so scairt of, I wuzn’t. I knowed All th’ time it’s no ghost. I wuz nervous becuz I knowed what it wuzn’t, but not what it wuz!