The Train Misser

At Union Station 'Ll where in the world my eyes has bin— Ef I hain't missed that train ag'in! Chuff! And whistle! And toot! And ring! But blast and blister the dasted train—! How it does it I can't explain! Git here thirty-five minutes before The durn things due—! And, drat the thing It'll manage to git past-shore! The more I travel around, the more I got no sense—! To stand right here And let it beat me! 'Ll ding my melts! I got no gumption, ner nothin' else! Ticket Agent's a dad-burned bore—! Sell you a tickets all they keer—! Ticket Agents ort to all be Prosecuted—and that's jes what—! How'd I know which train's fer me? And how'd I know which train was not—? Goern and comin' and gone astray, And backin' and switchin' ever'-which-way! Ef I could jes sneak round behind Myse'f, where I could git full swing, I'd lift my coat, and kick, by jing! Till I jes got jerked up and fined—! Fer here I stood, as a durn fool's apt To, and let that train jes chuff and choo Right apast me—and mouth jes gapped Like a blamed old sandwitch warped in two!