The Way It Wuz

Las' July--and, I persume, 'Bout as hot As the old Gran'-Jury room Whare they sot!-- Fight 'twixt Mike and Dock McGreff.... 'Pears to me jest like as ef I'd a-dremp' the whole blame thing-- Allus ha'nts me roun' the gizzard When they's nightmares on the wing And a feller's blood's jes' friz! Seed the row from A to Izzard-- 'Cause I wuz a-standin' as clos't to 'em As me and you is!

Tell you the way it wuz-- And I don't want to see, Like some fellers does, When they's goern to be Any kind o' fuss-- On'y makes a rumpus wuss Fer to interfere When theyr dander's riz-- Might as lif to cheer! But I wuz a-standin' as clos't to 'em As me and you is!

I wuz kindo' strayin' Past the blame saloon-- Heerd some fiddler playin' That old "Hee-cup tune!" I'd stopped-like, you know, Fer a minit er so, And wuz jest about Settin' down, when--Jeemses-whizz!-- Whole durn winder-sash fell out! And thare laid Dock McGreff, and Mike A-straddlin' him, all bloody-like, And both a-gittin' down to biz!-- And I wuz a-standin' as clos't to 'em As me and you is!

I wuz the on'y man aroun'-- (Durn old-fogey town! 'Peared more like, to me, Sund'y than Saturd'y!) Dog come 'crost the road And tuk a smell And putt right back: Mishler driv by 'ith a load O' cantalo'pes he couldn't sell-- Too mad, 'i jack! To even ast What wuz up, as he went past! Weather most outrageous hot!-- Fairly hear it sizz Roun' Dock and Mike--tel Dock he shot,-- And Mike he slacked that grip o' his And fell, all spraddled out. Dock riz 'Bout half up, a spittin' red, And shuck his head.... And I wuz a-standin' as clos't to 'em As me and you is!

And Dock he says, A-whisperin'-like,-- "It hain't no use A-tryin'!--Mike He's jest ripped my daylights loose!-- Git that blame-don fiddler to Let up, and come out here--You Got some burryin' to do,-- Mike makes one, and, I expects, 'Bout ten seconds, I'll make two!" And he drapped back, whare he'd riz, 'Crost Mike's body, black and blue, Like a great big letter X!-- And I wuz a-standin' as clos't to 'em As me and you is!