The Village Oracle

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"I am Sir Oracle, and when I ope my lips let no dog bark!"

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Old Dan'l Hanks he says this town Is jest the best on earth; He says there ain't one, up nor down, That's got one half her worth; He says there ain't no other state That's good as ourn, nor near; And all the folks that's good and great Is settled right 'round here.

Says I "D'jer ever travel, Dan?" "You bet I ain't!" says he; "I tell you what! the place I've got Is good enough fer me!"

He says the other party's fools, 'Cause they don't vote his way; He says the "feeble-minded schools" Is where they ought ter stay; If he was law their mouths he'd shut, Or blow 'em all ter smash; He says their platform's nawthin' but A great big mess of trash.

Says I, "D'jer ever read it, Dan?" "You bet I ain't!" says he; "And when I do; well, I tell you, I'll let you know, by gee!"

He says that all religion's wrong 'Cept jest what he believes; He says them ministers belong In jail, the same as thieves; He says they take the blessed Word And tear it all ter shreds; He says their preachin's jest absurd; They're simply leatherheads.

Says I, "D'jer ever hear 'em, Dan?" "You bet I ain't!" says he; "I'd never go ter hear 'em; no; They make me sick ter see!"

Some fellers reckon, more or less, Before they speak their mind, And sometimes calkerlate or guess,-- But them ain't Dan'l's kind. The Lord knows all things, great or small, With doubt he's never vexed; He, in his wisdom, knows it all,-- But Dan'l Hanks comes next.

Says I, "How d' yer know you're right?" "How do I know?" says he; "Well, now, I vum! I know, by gum! I'm right because I be!"

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