Vii

After the final meeting; the day following:

I seem to see her still; to see That blue-hung room. Her perfume comes From lavender folds, draped dreamily,-- A-blossom with brocaded blooms,-- Some stuff of orient looms.

I seem to hear her speak; and back, Where sleeps the sun on books and piles Of porcelain and bric-à-brac, A tall clock ticks above the tiles, Where Love’s framed profile smiles.

I hear her say, “Ah, had I known!-- I suffer too for what has been-- For what must be.”--A wild ache shone In her sad gaze that seemed to lean On something far, unseen.

And as in sleep my own self seems Outside my suffering self.--I flush ’Twixt facts and undetermined dreams, And stand, as silent as that hush Of lilac light and plush.

Smiling, but suffering, I feel, Beneath that face, so sweet and sad, In those pale temples, thoughts, like steel, Pierce burningly.... I had gone mad Had I once thought her glad.--

Unconsciously, with eyes that yearn To look beyond the present far, For one faint future hope, I turn-- There, in her garden, one fierce star, A cactus, red as war,

Vermilion as a storm-sunk sun, Flames torrid splendor,--brings to life A sunset; memory of one Rich eve she said she ’d be my wife; An eve with beauty rife.

Again amid the heavy hues, Soft crimson, seal, and satiny gold Of flowers there, I stood ’mid dews With her; deep in her garden old, While sunset’s flame unrolled.

And now!... It can not be! and yet To see ’tis so!--In heart and brain To know ’tis so!--While, warm and wet, I seem to smell those scents again, Verbena scents and rain.

I turn, in hope she ’ll bid me stay. Again her cameo beauty mark Set in that smile.--She turns away. No farewell! no regret! no spark Of hope to cheer the dark!

That sepia sketch--conceive it so-- A jaunty head with mouth and eyes Tragic beneath a rose-chapeau, Silk-masked, unmasking--it denies The look we half surmise,

We know is there. ’Tis thus we read The true beneath the false; perceive The ache beneath the smile.--Indeed! Whose soul unmasks?... Not mine!--I grieve,-- Oh God!--but laugh and leave....