The Good Ship Santa Claus

Let’s take a shiny airship and let’s name it Santa Claus, And go a-whisking off across the blue, And let’s do a lot of errands for the very best of saints, Who hasn’t time for all he wants to do. There are polar bears complaining up among the northern snows That they haven’t any honey for their cubs; And mother mermaids moaning on the bottom of the sea ’Cause they have to do their washing without tubs. There are mud-larks by the dozen who, I’m credibly informed, Have never had a chance to lark in mud, And sea cows ruminating where the water grasses grow, Who have never had a new taste for their cud. There are monkeys in menageries who tell me that it’s years Since they had a single cocoanut to throw, And that as for tails prehensile, they have nothing to prehense, So the object’s a deception and a show. There are jackdaws kept in cages with no single thing to steal, And you know a daw would rather steal than eat; There are kangaroos with pouches just as empty as a gourd Who’d be pleased to fill them up with something sweet; And centipedes who should, by rights, have long ago been shod, Who’ve never even seen a boot or shoe, And owls who keep protesting that they wouldn’t be so dull If they only had a lesson-book or two. And we shan’t forget the parrots, who with beaks designed to hook, Never had an hour’s fishing in their days, Nor the bats, who, if they’d spectacles that really fitted well, Would travel in more reputable ways. What ho! What ho! the Santa Claus! Swoop down from out the sky! We’re ready with our bundles. Heave ahoy! Stand fast and pack her solid to the very outer rim, And tuck in every chink a Christmas toy. As we skim across the water we will drop the presents in For those who dare not venture on the land. And when we reach the forest, we will hang them on the trees And mark them so the least can understand. What ho! What ho! the Santa Claus! The time is growing short-- Pull all the anchors up and let her go! No beast must be forgotten from the East unto the West, Nor from land of southern sun to land of snow.