The Mermaid Club

┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │ The Mermaid Culture Club request │ │ That you will kindly be │ │ On such and such a day their guest │ │ At something after three. │ └──────────────────────────────────────┘

I wrote at once that “I should be Most charmed,” and donned my best Dress diving-suit,--a joy to see,-- And at their club-house ’neath the sea Arrived at “something after three” Promptly (unpunctuality Is something I detest). The President, a mermaid fair, Sat by a coral table, And read an essay with an air Intelligent and able Upon--but you will never guess The subject--it was nothing less Than sunshades and umbrellas. I really did my very best To keep from laughing--as their guest. That it was hard must be confessed When next the meeting was addressed On shoes, and which would wear the best-- Tan slippers or prunellas. Then came (it did look like a joke) Essays on bonnet, hat, and toque: Said I, “They must be mocking.” And when at length a mermaid rose, And read a thesis to expose The latest novelty in hose, I felt my reason rocking. But when at last the thing was o’er And I was back again on shore, I fell to moralizing. And as remembrance came to me Of other clubs not in the sea, Of essays read by ladies fair Upon the “why” and “whence” and “where,” Said I, “It’s not surprising.”

Missing punctuation and diacritic marks have been silently added.

Many of the poems have illustrated titles, sometimes illustrated dropcaps. The tags for these have been omitted from this version.