The Distrest Theatre[A][391]

[A] Harmony Hall, at Charleston, now demolished.--Freneau's note.

Health to the Muse!--and fill the glass, Heaven grant her soon some better place, Than earthen floor and fabric mean, Where disappointment shades the scene:

There as I came, by rumour led, I sighed and almost wished her dead; Her visage stained with many a tear, No Hallam and no Henry here!

But what could all their art attain?-- When pointed laws the stage restrain The prudent Muse obedience pays To sleepy squires, that damn all plays.

Like thieves they hang beyond the town, They shove her off--to please the gown;-- Though Rome and Athens owned it true, The stage might mend our morals too.

See, Mopsus all the evening sits O'er bottled beer, that drowns his wits; Were Plays allowed, he might at least Blush--and no longer act the beast.

See, Marcia, now from guardian free, Retailing scandal with her tea;-- Might she not come, nor danger fear From Hamlet's sigh, or Juliet's tear.

The world but acts the player's part[B]-- (So says the motto of their art)-- That world in vice great lengths is gone That fears to see its picture drawn.

[B] Totus Mundus agit Histrionem.--Freneau's note.

Mere vulgar actors cannot please; The streets supply enough of these; And what can wit or beauty gain When sleepy dullness joins their train?

A State betrays a homely taste, By which the stage is thus disgraced, Where, drest in all the flowers of speech, Dame virtue might her precepts teach.

Let but a dancing bear arrive, A pig, that counts you four, or five-- And Cato, with his moral strain May strive to mend the world in vain.

Published in the National Gazette, Nov. 21, 1791, with the following explanation: "The amusements of the Theatre were some time since prohibited within the limits of the City of Charleston by an act of the Legislature of the State of South Carolina. In obedience to this act all subsequent dramatic exhibitions were removed to an obscure building in the City of liberties called Harmony Hall. The following stanzas owe their origin to the above edict." Text from the 1809 edition.