English poem
( AN OPEN LETTER )
by Harry Graham (1874–1936)
Dear Lady,— When you bade me come To grace your crowded “Kettledrum,” And mingle in the best society; When Melba sang, and Elman played,
And waiters handed lemonade ( Tempering music with sobriety ), I never had the least suspicion Of my precarious position.
But now, with opened eyes, I leap To this conclusion, shrewd and deep, ( What cerebral agility! ): Your compliments were insincere, Your hospitality was mere “Insistent affability!” And I, a foolish man of letters, Who thought to mingle with his betters!
Ah me! How pride precedes a fall! That one who haunted “rout” or ball, When invitations were acquirable, Should see himself as others see, Becoming suddenly, like me, A social “undesirable”; Invading the selectest clique With truly adamantine cheek!
How proud an air I used to wear! When titled persons turned to stare, I blushed like a geranium. When lovely ladies softly said:
“Oh, Duchess, did you see his head?” “What a capacious cranium!” “Yes; is n't that the man who writes?” “I wonder why they look such frights!”
I used to bridle coyly when Some schoolmate, of the Upper Ten ( They were not over-numerous! ), Would slap my back, and shout “By Jove! “Ai n't you a literary cove?” ( As tho’‘ twere something humorous! ) “Those books of yours are grand, you bet! What? No, I have n't read them yet.”
But now I realize my fate; A stranger at the social gate ( Tho’ treated with civility ); The choicest circles I frequent Must be the ones my brains invent, With fictional futility; The only Royalties I know Are those my publisher can show!
The garden-party, and the tea, Are surely not for men like me ( O Vanity of Vanities! ); Such entertainments are taboo,
And might debase my talents to Additional inanities. The Poet has no business there: Que ferait-il dans cette galere?
Ah, lonely is the Author's lot! Assuming, if he hath it not, A suitable humility. For when his daily work is done, He must inevitably shun The homes of the Nobility, As, with dejected steps, he passes To supper with the middle classes!