The Spinning-House of the Future

Without my dinner here I lie, And all because that proctor With her stout bull-dogs passed, and I Mocked her.

For Clara is at Girton too, That dragon is her tutor, I threatened once what I would do, Shoot her.

Her life by Clara's tears was saved, Wherefore she doth detest me, And hither hungry and unshaved Pressed me.

I would that I could have commenced An action‘ gainst that devil, Like that once brought by Kemp against Neville.

To her I owe the statute framed That one against it sinning Should dwell within the house that's named Spinning.

Ah me! it runs in sections three: Who speaks to Girton student Is fined to teach him how to be Prudent.

Who loves a Girton girl must do Twelve months on bread and water, From a digestive point of view Slaughter.

Who kisses her commits a crime By hanging expiated, And she in tears must spend her time Gated.

Would that at Oxford I had been, At Balliol or at Merton, And then I never should have seen Girton.

Go down I must, no more shall I And Clara cross the same bridge; Still, Granta, art thou her and my Cambridge.

Some day on this her eyes may light, This doggerel stiff and jointless, And she may own it is not quite Pointless.