Christmas Shopping

"O whither are you going, My friend, I'd fain be knowing, O whither are you going With that air of do-and-dare? O what the destination Of your grim determination, Of your bloody resolution And your fierce defiant stare?"

"I am going Christmas shopping," Said the hero, freely mopping Beads of nervous perspiration From his broad and gallant brow, "I am going forth to-day In this bellicose array To do my Christmas shopping, Or to perish in the fray."

* * * * *

"O whence are you returning, My friend, I'd fain be learning, O whence are you returning With that bloodstained weary air? With that battered shirt and collar And without a single dollar, And with piles of useless lumber That would make a dustman stare?"

"I have done my Christmas shopping," Said the hero, almost dropping, "You may send to fetch the doctor, Though I cannot pay his fee; My story is romantic, For the fight was fierce and frantic, And I bought a lot of articles I didn't even see; But I've done my Christmas shopping (For I take a lot of stopping), I have done my Christmas shopping, And that's enough for me."