An Autobiography

Hardly a man is now alive Who cares that in March, 1885, I was born in the city of Niles, Michigan, which is 94 miles From Chicago, a city in Illinois. Sixteen years later, still only a boy, I graduated from the Niles High School With a general knowledge of rotation pool. After my schooling, I thought it best To give my soul and body a rest. In 1905 this came to an end, When I went to work on The Times in Souse Bend, Thence to Chi, where I labored first On the Inter-Ocean and then for Hearst, Then for the Tribune and then to St. Lews, Where I was editor of Sporting News. And thence to Boston, where later a can Was tied to me by the manager man. 1919 was the year When, in Chicago, I finished my daily newspaper career. In those 14 years—just a horse’s age— My stuff was all on the sporting page. In the last five years (since it became illegal to drink), I’ve been connected with The Bell Syndicate, Inc. I have four children as well as one Missus, None of whom can write a poem as good as this is.