To chuse a Friend, but never Marry

TO all young Men that love to Wooe, To Kiss and Dance, and Tumble too; Draw near and Counsel take of me, Your faithful Pilot I will be: Kiss who you please, Joan, Kate, or Mary, But still this Counsel with you carry, Never Marry.

Court not a Country Lady, she Knows not how to value thee; She hath no am'rous Passion, but What Tray, or Quando has for Slut: To Lick, to Whine, to Frisk, or Cover, She'll suffer thee, or any other, Thus to Love her.

Her Daughter she's now come to Town, In a rich Linsey Woolsey Gown; About her Neck a valued Prize, A Necklace made of Whitings Eyes: With List for Garters 'bove her Knee, And Breath that smells of Firmity, 's not for thee.

Of Widows Witchcrafts have a care, For if they catch you in their Snare; You must as daily Labourers do, Be still a shoving with your Plow: If any rest you do require, They then deceive you of your Hire, And retire.

The Maiden Ladies of the Town, Are scarcely worth your throwing down; For when you have possession got, Of Venus Mark, or Hony-pot: There's such a stir with marry me, That one would half forswear to see Any she.

If that thy Fancy do desire, A glorious out-side, rich Attire; Come to the Court, and there you'll find, Enough of such to Please your Mind: But if you get too near their Lap, You're sure to meet with the Mishap, Call'd a Clap.

With greasy painted Faces drest, With butter'd Hair, and fucus'd Breast; Tongues with Dissimulation tipt, Lips which a Million have them sipp'd: There's nothing got by such as these, But Achs in Shoulders, Pains in Knees For your Fees.

In fine, if thou delight'st to be, Concern'd in VVomans Company: Make it the Studies of thy Life, To find a Rich, young, handsome VVife: That can with much discretion be Dear to her Husband, kind to thee, Secretly.

In such a Mistress, there's the Bliss, Ten Thousand Joys wrapt in a Kiss; And in th' Embraces of her VVast, A Million more of Pleasures taste: VVho e'er would Marry that could be Blest with such Opportunity, Never me.