He And She

HE. I know a youth who loves a little maid-- (Hey, but his face is a sight for to see!) Silent is he, for he's modest and afraid-- (Hey, but he's timid as a youth can be!) SHE. I know a maid who loves a gallant youth-- (Hey, but she sickens as the days go by!) She cannot tell him all the sad, sad truth-- (Hey, but I think that little maid will die!) BOTH. Now tell me pray, and tell me true, What in the world should the poor soul do?

HE. He cannot eat and he cannot sleep-- (Hey, but his face is a sight for to see!) Daily he goes for to wail--for to weep-- (Hey, but he's wretched as a youth can be!)

SHE. She's very thin and she's very pale-- (Hey, but she sickens as the days go by!) Daily she goes for to weep--for to wail-- (Hey, but I think that little maid will die!) BOTH. Now tell me pray, and tell me true, What in the world should the poor soul do?

SHE. If I were the youth I should offer her my name-- (Hey, but her face is a sight for to see!) HE. If I were the maid I should fan his honest flame-- (Hey, but he's bashful as a youth can be!) SHE. If I were the youth I should speak to her to-day-- (Hey, but she sickens as the days go by!) HE. If I were the maid I should meet the lad half way-- (For I really do believe that timid youth will die!) BOTH. I thank you much for your counsel true; I've learnt what that poor soul ought to do!

DAMON v. PYTHIAS

Two better friends you wouldn't pass Throughout a summer's day, Than DAMON and his PYTHIAS,-- Two merchant princes they.

At school together they contrived All sorts of boyish larks; And, later on, together thrived As merry merchants' clerks.

And then, when many years had flown, They rose together till They bought a business of their own-- And they conduct it still.

They loved each other all their lives, Dissent they never knew, And, stranger still, their very wives Were rather friendly too.

Perhaps you think, to serve my ends, These statements I refute, When I admit that these dear friends Were parties to a suit?

But 'twas a friendly action, for Good PYTHIAS, as you see, Fought merely as executor, And DAMON as trustee.

They laughed to think, as through the throng Of suitors sad they passed, That they, who'd lived and loved so long, Should go to law at last.

The junior briefs they kindly let Two sucking counsel hold; These learned persons never yet Had fingered suitors' gold.

But though the happy suitors two Were friendly as could be,

Not so the junior counsel who Were earning maiden fee.

They too, till then, were friends. At school They'd done each other's sums, And under Oxford's gentle rule Had been the closest chums.

But now they met with scowl and grin In every public place, And often snapped their fingers in Each other's learned face.

It almost ended in a fight When they on path or stair Met face to face. They made it quite A personal affair.

And when at length the case was called (It came on rather late), Spectators really were appalled To see their deadly hate.

One junior rose--with eyeballs tense, And swollen frontal veins: To all his powers of eloquence He gave the fullest reins.

His argument was novel--for A verdict he relied On blackening the junior Upon the other side.

"Oh," said the Judge, in robe and fur, "The matter in dispute To arbitration pray refer-- This is a friendly suit."

And PYTHIAS, in merry mood, Digged DAMON in the side; And DAMON, tickled with the feud, With other digs replied.

But oh! those deadly counsel twain, Who were such friends before, Were never reconciled again---- They quarrelled more and more.

At length it happened that they met On Alpine heights one day, And thus they paid each one his debt, Their fury had its way--

They seized each other in a trice, With scorn and hatred filled, And, falling from a precipice, They, both of them, were killed.