Canto Vii

In the world's ever varying range There scarce can be a greater change Than from the hourly means of carving Without reserve, to hints of starving; From the men-cooks' superior waste To fireless kitchen's cold repast; From ham and fowl and beef and veal, To a lean shoulder's third day meal, From well-skimm'd broths, to greasy pot,-- But this was now our Hero's lot: And here, perhaps, it may be fair To ask what chance could bring him there; For expectation sure might think That he would rather soar than sink, At least, he would his rank maintain Among High-Life's domestic train, And still display the priggish air, In some fine street or splendid square, Instead of opening the door In Humbug-Buildings, Number FOUR; Well known, as we shall shortly see, For weighty scenes of Usury. --How he this curious post obtain'd, Without reserve will be explain'd.

My Lady VALCOUR, as 'tis known To hap sometimes to Dames of Ton, When sudden wants were set on edge Might look a precious stone to pledge, To raise a hasty sum or so She did not wish Sir CHARLES to know; For little systems of disguise } Are seldom seen to cause surprise } In the best order'd families. } MOLLY she fail'd not to employ In care of any glittering toy, Which might so very useful be In moments of necessity: But this strange, awkward kind of trade Was far from pleasant to the maid, As she, to 'scape from prying eyes Was told to change her air and size, And, to perform her work complete, To be a perfect counterfeit: In short, as was not uncommon, To make herself another woman. She therefore, thought it best to ask QUÆ GENUS to perform the task; And old John SQUEEZE was recommended, Who kindly to such wants attended: Though some who lov'd a joke to crack, Would laugh, and call him Squeezing JACK.

In a snug corner of the town, To nameless spendthrifts too well known, The miser liv'd, if life it be Whose meat and drink was usury; For the old Hunx was ne'er content, Unless he gain'd his Cent. per Cent.; And as all traffic with this Elf Was secret interchange of pelf, He fear'd not the rapacious paw Of daily violated law.-- Diamonds that did 'mong ringlets blaze, And caught the night's admiring gaze; The necklace that from snowy neck Did in its cluster'd fashions break On swelling bosom, plac'd to share The beauty nature planted there; The rows of pearl that gave a charm To the round grace of taper arm: The bright drops which each sister ear Does with an equal splendour bear; And dazzling circles that are seen Of rubies red, of em'ralds green, And sapphires blue, whose blended rays The rainbow to the hand conveys, All these, at times, are forc'd to rest Within the miser's gloomy chest: In iron darkness there to wait A longer or a shorter date, Till gold's redeeming power shall say, Come and re-brighten on the day.

On errands of this grave intent, QUÆ GENUS now and then was sent, And how he did his plans arrange, Or in what shape place the exchange; How he contriv'd these sly affairs, Paid soon, or lengthen'd the arrears, Of this we know not more nor less, } For we ne'er heard his tongue confess, } And 'twould be wasting time to guess. } But, somehow, he contriv'd to please, By grace or guile, old Master SQUEEZE, And by some strange, peculiar art, He gain'd upon the Us'rer's heart, If an heart such a being owns, Who chuckles when misfortune moans, At least, when that is understood To be a vessel fraught with good. But to proceed, the mind's keen eye Of Squeezing Jack, thought he could spy In our QUÆ GENUS that quick sense, Which might reward his confidence; That wary, penetrating thought, Which could not be too dearly bought, And in his present, sickly trim, Would be of golden use to him: For he grew old and wanted aid, In his nice calculating trade. In short, in every point of view, } As one who certain fancies knew, } The old man felt that he would do, } And that he could his interest make A station at the desk to take.

Not the first time on business bent, } Though 'twas the last by MOLLY sent, } Our Hero to the office went, } With his redeeming coin to pay And fav'rite gems to bear away, He was desir'd to give an ear To the proposal he should hear, When Squeezing John in cautious strain Did thus his secret wish explain. "--From what I know and all I see, You soon will be at liberty, The gentry to whom you belong Will not require your service long; And 'twould be well were you to take The offer which I now shall make: That is, as you already see, To come, my friend, and live with me. I hope no thought your mind engages, About such petty things as wages, I would not wish you to receive What common spendthrift masters give; I exercise a better way All such as serve me well to pay: Your bed and board will lib'ral be, } For you will live as well as me, } Such is my home oeconomy. } As for the service you will find Its profits fully to your mind; If you my interests understand, Your own will follow hand in hand; Nay, I my promise shall maintain, That you a pretty fortune gain. All I ask is, that you will be The pattern of fidelity, Which my observing eye has seen To others you have lately been; I have, my friend, but one word more, And then my speechifying's o'er: 'Twill answer ev'ry purpose better And I shall hold myself your debtor, For reasons you shall plainly see, If you will wear your livery, For that can never be disgrace Which soon will gain superior place."

QUÆ GENUS thought he could but try, If but from curiosity, Though some have said that then he view'd The future freaks that he pursued. Thus at the desk he soon was seated To learn how folly could be cheated, And to consent to play the rogue With any spendthrift vice in vogue, That did in pleasure's round perplex In any form, in either sex. The gains were great, nay almost certain, While pride so slyly drew the curtain, Indeed, it was so nicely clos'd, That the rich schemes were ne'er expos'd. --At first, a kind of gen'rous feeling, A sense of honourable dealing, Dispos'd him, with some doubts, to look Into the Broker's daily book, While he oft dipp'd his pen and thought, Ere he the huge per-centage wrote: Nay, he could pity the distress Which did upon their bosoms press, When, thus to pay for ill-bought pleasure, They yielded up their gayest treasure. --But then he mutter'd, "Where's the shame? Others, like us, would do the same: If we were now to shut up shop, Others into the place would pop; Extravagance would have its run And fools speed on to be undone. And their sad wants would be supplied, } If John had laid his schemes aside, } Or had turn'd Methodist and died." }

Thus interest to our Hero clung To stifle sense of right and wrong; And so at once he bade adieu To Conscience for a year or two: But, when attain'd the wish'd for store, It should resume its former power. Thus, at the opening of his trade, He a most curious bargain made With the Divinity within, To help him on through thick and thin.