BALLAD. (Dapper Ted Tattoo is my natty name)

Dapper Ted Tattoo is my natty name, For a roll, or a trevally, Among the girls loud sounds my fame, When I their quarters rally.

For with fife and drum I smirking come, Leer, cock my hat, Swear, and all that, Nor ever dread A broken head Where the cause of strife's a doxy But as for wars, And wounds, and scars, And fighting foes, And thumps, and blows, I'd rather fight by proxy.

When chiefs and privates mingled lie, And gasp without assistance, In baggage waggon, perch'd up, I Stand umpire at a distance:

And with fife and drum I smirking come, 'Mongst soldier's wives, Who lead merry lives, Nor ever dread A broken head Where the cause of strife's a doxy; Let their husbands go, And, 'gainst the foe Gain glory's scars In honour's wars: I'd rather fight by proxy.

Yet think ye I am not renowned In foreign wars and civil, Why, sir, when safe at home and sound, Zounds I could fight the devil.

And with fife and drum Can smirking come, And cock my hat, Leer, and all that, Nor ever dread A broken head. When the cause of strife's a doxy, Let others go, And, 'gainst the foe, Gain glory's scars In honour's wars: I'd rather fight by proxy.

Thus through the world I make a noise Where'er I'm a sojourner, The mighty wonder and surprise Of every chimney corner.

Where with fife and drum I smirking come, And rap out zounds, And talk of wounds, Nor ever dread A broken head Where the cause of strife's a doxy; They're fools who go, And, 'gainst the foe, In glory's wars Gain honour's scars: I'm wise, and fight by proxy.