Bill

(Told by the Hospital Orderly)

At Modder, where I met 'im fust, I thought as 'ow ole Bill was dead; A splinter, from a shell wot bust, 'Ad fetched 'im somewheres in the 'ead; But there! It takes a deal to kill Them thick-thatched sort o' blokes like Bill.

In the field-'orspital, nex' day, The doctors was a-makin' out The 'casualty returns,' an' they Comes up an' pulls ole Bill about; Ole Colonel Wilks, 'e turns to me, 'Report this "dangerous,"' sez 'e.

But Bill, 'oo must 'ave 'eard it too, 'E calls the doctor, quick as thought: 'I'd take it kindly, sir, if you 'Could keep me out o' the report. 'For tho' I'm 'it, an' 'it severe, 'I doesn't want my friends to 'ear.

'I've a ole mother, 'way in Kent, ''Oo thinks the very world o' me; 'I'd thank you if I wasn't sent 'As "wounded dangerous,"' sez 'e; 'For if she 'ears I'm badly hit, 'I lay she won't get over it.

'At Landman's Drift she lost a lad '(With the 18th 'Ussars 'e fell), 'Poor soul, she'd take it mighty bad 'To think o' losin' me as well; 'So please, sir, if it's hall the same, 'I'd ask you not to send my name.'

The Colonel bloke 'e thinks a bit, 'Oh, well,' sez 'e, 'per'aps you're right. 'And, now I come to look at it, 'I'll send you in as "scalp-wound, slight." 'O' course it's wrong of me, but still--' 'Gawd bless you, sir, an' thanks!' sez Bill.

. . . . . .

'E didn't die; 'e scrambled through. They hoperated on 'is 'ead, An' Gawd knows wot they didn't do,-- 'Tripoded' 'im, I think they said. I see'd 'im, Toosday, in Pall Mall, Nor never knowed 'im look so well.

Yes, Bill 'e's going strong just now, In London, an' employed again; Tho' it's a fact, 'e sez, as 'ow The doctors took out 'alf 'is brain! Ho well, 'e won't 'ave need o' this-- 'E's working at the War Office.