Moral

If you approach the Mosque of Fame, And seek to climb its tallest steeple, Just lodge a literary claim Against the works of other people. And though the Press may not receive it, A few old ladies will believe it.

For instance, I of proof could bring Sufficient to convince the layman That I had written ev'rything Attributed to Stanley Weyman. In common justice I should pocket The royalties of S. R. Crockett.

And anyone can plainly see, Without the wit of Machiavelli, That "Hall Caines look alike to me," Since I am Ouida and Corelli. Yes, I am Rudyard Kipling, truly, And the immortal Mr. Dooley.

Adam

In History he holds a place Unique, unparalleled, sublime; "The First of all the Human Race!" Yes, that was Adam, all the time. It didn't matter if he burst, He simply had to get there first.

A simple Child of Nature he, Whose life was primitive and rude; His wants were few, his manners free, All kinds of clothing he eschewed,-- He might be seen in any weather, In what is called "the Altogether!"

The luxuries that we enjoy He never had, so never missed; Appliances that we employ For saving work did not exist; He would have found them useless too, Not having any work to do.

He never wrote a business note; He had no creditors to pay; He was not pestered for his vote, Not having one to give away; And, living utterly alone, He did not need a telephone.

The joys of indolence he knew, In his remote and peaceful clime, He did just what he wanted to, Nor ever said he "hadn't time!" (And this was natural becos He had whatever time there was.)

His pulse was strong, his health was good, He had no fads of meat or drink, Of tonic waters, Breakfast Food, Or Pills for Persons who are Pink; No cloud of indigestion lay Across the sunshine of his day.

And, when he went to bed each night, He made his couch upon the soil; The glow-worms gave him all his light, (He hadn't heard of Standard Oil);-- At dawn he woke,--then slept again, He never had to catch a train!

A happy, solitary life! But soon he found it dull, I ween, So thought that he would like a wife,-- When Eve appeared upon the scene. * * * And we will draw a kindly veil Over the sequel to this tale.