A Three Sided Question

Scene: A hollow tree in the woods. Time: December evening.

MR. OWL. MR. SPARROW. MR. BEAR.

MR. OWL (stretching his wings):

Heigho! It’s dark! How fast the daylight goes! I must have overslept. It’s time I rose And went about my breakfast to prepare. I should keep better hours; I declare, Before I got to bed ’twas broad daylight! That must be why I’m getting up to-night With such a sleepy feeling in my head. Heigho! Heigho! (Yawns.)

Enter MR. SPARROW.

MR. SPARROW: Why don’t you go to bed, If you’re so very sleepy?--it’s high time! The sun has set an hour ago, and I’m Going home myself as fast as I can trot. Night is the time for sleep.

MR. OWL: The time for what? The time for sleep, you say?

MR. SPARROW: That’s what I said.

MR. OWL: Well, my dear bird, your reason must have fled!

MR. SPARROW (icily): I do not catch your meaning quite, I fear.

MR. OWL: I mean you’re talking nonsense. Is that clear?

MR. SPARROW (angrily): Say that again--again, sir, if you dare! Say it again!

MR. OWL: As often as you care. You’re talking nonsense--stuff and nonsense--there!

MR. SPARROW (hopping one twig higher up): You are a coward, sir, and impolite!

(hopping on a still higher twig)

And if you weren’t beneath me I would fight.

MR. OWL: I am beneath you, true enough, my friend, By just two branches. Will you not descend? Or shall I--

MR. SPARROW (hastily): No, don’t rise. Tell me instead What was the nonsense that you thought I said.

MR. OWL: It may be wrong, but if I heard aright, You said the proper time for sleep was night.

MR. SPARROW: That’s what I said, and I repeat it too!

MR. OWL: Then you repeat a thing that is not true. Day is the time for sleep, not night.

MR. SPARROW: Absurd! Who’s talking nonsense now?

MR. OWL: Impudent bird! How dare you answer back, you upstart fowl!

MR. SPARROW: How dare you call me upstart--you--you--Owl!

MR. OWL: This is too much! I’ll stand no more, I vow! Defend yourself!

MR. BEAR (looking out of hollow tree): Come, neighbours, stop that row! What you’re about I’m sure I cannot think. I only know I haven’t had one wink Of sleep. Indeed, I’ve borne it long enough, ’Twould put the mildest temper in a huff; And I am but a bear. Why don’t you go To bed like other folks, I’d like to know? Summer is long enough to keep awake-- Winter’s the time when honest people take Their three months’ sleep.

MR. SPARROW: That settles me! I fly! Dear Mr. Owl and Mr. Bear, good-bye! [Exit.

MR. OWL: I must go too, to find another wood. Every one’s mad in this queer neighbourhood! It is not safe such company to keep. Good evening, Mr. Bear. [Exit.

MR. BEAR: Now I shall sleep.

CURTAIN.