To Producers, Authors, Actors, etc

There was a man who wrote a play; One week it ran, then died away, Though critics said ’twould be a hit And even Ervine lauded it. ’Twas not too pure or too obscene; The plot was hot, the satire keen. “It lacked two things,” observed the man; “Just Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne.”

A play that millions didn’t see Was one by Mr. C’on and me; The star was Walter Huston and He acted absolutely grand. The piece’s failure to endure Was not his fault, yet I am sure We could have lasted out the mont’ With Lynn Fontanne and Alfred Lunt. The Thitter Guild takes Mother Goose, A postcard from Anita Loos, Professor Bore on Patent Law, An epigram by Harry Thaw, Or some Hungarian goulash, Adapted by Joe Baldberash And has a play you just can’t pan, With Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne.

Watched a crowd one recent night Go into spasms of delight About a play whose claim to wit Rests on one oft-repeated bit; The swilling, by a profligate, Of sodium bicarbonate. They loved this subtly comic stunt (With Lynn Fontanne and Alfred Lunt).

You want to pack ’em in out front? Hire Lynn Fontanne and Alfred Lunt. Is wounding Joe Leblang your plan? Hire Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne. Wouldst have a smash, not just a bunt? Sign Lynn Fontanne and Alfred Lunt. The madam craves a Rolls sedan? Get Alfred Lunt and Lynn Fontanne.

To h⸺l with story and with plot, Love interest, passion, cold or hot; With traffic, meliorations which End one-night stands in a one-way ditch! To h⸺l with competition from The rasping pictures or the dumb! Show business needs and needs at once More Lynn Fontannes and Alfred Lunts.