Fritz Warns The Kaiser

Mine dear Kaiser,--Dose tings vas a fake, Ven you shtart oop dat untersea show Und already a pardnership make Mit Von Tirpitz, Von Teufel and Co. Ven de try dis same game vonce pefore, Soon ve lose all dose subs dat ve had, Und dis time ve vill lose dem some more, For now even dose Yanks haf got mad.

Some advice I vould give to you yet, (It vill shoost take a minute or two,) Call dose subs all in oudt of de vet, Dat's already de best ting to do. You may tink dat old Fritz is a fool, Und haf maype some axes to grind, But dose tings dat he learned oudt of school, Dey vill pring de improvement of mind.

Since dat day I vas brisoner took, Und I hafn't got notting to do, Den I read all dose bapers und book, Und write maybe a letter or two, Dere's some tings I already find oudt Dat de Faderland bapers von't tell, How dose English, like leetle Hans Shtout, Haf de pussy cat pulled from de vell.

All dose English must half deir own vay, Und so soon as deir foes dey vill shmash, Like Napoleon dey ship dem avay Or like Thebaw or Arabi Pash; So I tells you, mine Kaiser, bevare, Or you gets yourself soon in a fix, Saint Helena's old rock is still dere For de feller dat loses de tricks.