Fritz Writes Again

Dear Katrina,--Dis letter you get So already you know how I vas; Vell, dere's von ting dat troubles me yet, Und I tells you de reason pecause; Dose nurse doctors you tink vas so gay Haf de heaves, und blind staggers und gout, Und dey trow dose nice cabbage avay Dat vould make me some goot saur-kraut.

Und de limburger cheese dat you sent, Dat vas making me feel shtrong und vell, Britty soon mit the garbage it vent, For dose nurses dey don't like de shmell. Ven I ask for pork sausages vonce, Den dey say, (vot I tells you is true,) "Don't you know, you fat-headed old dunce, Dose vill gif you de tic-doul-our-eux."

Dey von't let me no liverwurst eat; For dey say it ain't fit for de crows. Ven I ask for some shmiercase so shweet, Den dey laugh und dey turn up deir nose, Dey shoost feed me some custards und jell Und some broth dat I drink mit a cup, How dey tink I vill efer get vell If dey don't keep mine stomach filled up?

Ven dis var vill get ofer you pet! Den some pickled pig's feet I vill buy, Mit bologna and shnapps, maype yet, Und some coffee to drink ven I'm dry, Britty soon to mine bed I musht go, So no more I can't write you shoost now; Gif mine luf to dose beeples ve know Und take some for yourself, mine dear frau.

Mine truly, Fritz.