The Adventurer

['Gentleman, aged 26, seeks adventure; well up in finance, badminton, tennis, swimming, canoeing, bridge, and mechanics; banker's reference, if required.'--The Times.]

My word! I'm the chap for adventures! There's nothing on earth I can't do, From dabbling in doubtful debentures To paddling a birch-bark canoe! At golf, when I get into trouble, How 'dead' my approaches are laid! At bridge, how I dauntlessly double Each spade! While as for lawn-tennis, there never was yet A player who volleyed so hard at the net!

At chess I've invented a gambit That fills my opponents with dread; At billiards I don't care a d---- bit How often I pocket the red! In water I swim like a salmon, At football I kick all the goals; I'm simply first-class at backgammon Or bowls, And, really, I'm equally deft and adroit When I'm handling a mallet or pitching a quoit!

And now for employment I hanker Where gifts such as mine are of use; (A character, backed by my banker, I'm only too glad to produce). A life of adventure that's brimming With badminton, bridge, and canoes, With simple mechanics and swimming, I'd choose---- A life for a man who's 'well up in finance,' With a sprinkling of sport and a dash of romance!